Parked Philosophy

Last night was a cold one. Weather.com says it was 31 degrees. It felt colder. Maybe because I had to endure it longer before I could fire up the trusty heater. I don't run the heater when I am underway, multiple safety reasons...fire and condensation being the top two. So when I left the library last night at 9pm after blogging I got in my icebox and drove to the gym for a workout and the first shower since Christmas. Of course, I had to combat the windshield fogging up from my breath, which seems to be powerfully moist and voluminous because my windshield quickly fogged up. My best tactic so far is to squeegee and then drive with my driver side window open. The freezing air negates my warm breath and slowly clears the windshield and keeps it clear. I'd rather be able to see than be warm. Then I drive the same way to Walmart to get contact lens solution and then stop by gas station for more kerosene. Finally I make it to my parking spot behind GNC. Both cat and dog bolt off the bus as if to say 'It's warmer out here than in that metal freezer'. I let them mock me for awhile.
 Lighting the heater is not as easy as pushing a button because the ignitor is broken, so I use a lighter. But before I hit the wick with some flame I have to allow the wick to absorb the kerosene.  I remove the portable tank that allows me to refill it outside while leaving the heater burning inside. It leaves enough kerosene to burn for about a half hour in a reservoir under the wick. I usually burn this excess off before driving because I have sloshed kerosene onto my floors while driving and while I am not certain how this happens, I take all precautions I can think of. Then I set the refillable tank beside the heater during my commutes. So, before I can relight the heater I have to re-insert the tank, let it fill up reservoir, let wick absorb kerosene (which takes 30 minutes to an hour) then I can light it up. But when I light it up I must lug it off the bus so that the initial few minutes of burning doesn't stink up the bus with black smoke. After that I carefully carry it back up the bus steps, careful not to bump or tilt the heater so I don't spill fuel, but just as importantly, so I don't trip the safety pendelum inside that retracts the wick like a scared turtle in case of a tip over, which extinquishes the heater flame. When I successfully set the heater down I can then bask in its warm glow. This is the down side of kerosene heat for me. Lucky for me, I haven't experienced anything easier or warmer on the bus yet so anything else I get that makes life easier will be much appreciated. This is symbolic of pretty much everything I do on the bus, lots of extra steps for things I use to take for granted...cooking, electricity, heat, doing dishes, in fact, anything to do with plumbing. I am resourceful enough to make do with what I have but everything is much more labor intensive. And I actually like the rituals, but I can see a day where I will want to upgrade. And when that desire gets strong enough, I do what I have to do to make that happen. I wired electricity because of that need. I insulated walls because the suffocating July heat was highly motivating. I know there are people who think it is crazy, but I think I had way too much comfort and was continuing to look for comfort way beyond my basic needs. I wasn't getting any happier in this process. Now, I am happier and more satisfied than I can ever remember. I believe too much comfort made me lazy and soft. Its like when I watch kids running around playing tag, they can run zig zag through the yard all day but as an adult I lost that simple spirit of fun because the work was too much. Trust me, Tag is no longer my game of choice, but I don't mind putting myself outside my comfort zone in order to enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I think of the terms happiness and joy, and what they mean to me. I don't think it is just making life easier or nicer, although there is nothing wrong with that as long as it is directly tied to something truly important. Struggling is highly under-rated. I go to the gym to work out, most times I'd rather pop Macadamia and White Chocolate chip cookies into my mouth, but there is a greater good to the struggle. The struggle to get to the gym, the struggle to go through a difficult workout.  You don't get any gain without the struggle. The same could be said for the discipline of proper eating. You almost always have to deny yourself comfort in order to improve. Same thing with learning...
I don't buy into this whole retirement facade where you do a job you don't like so you can coast in your golden years. Taking a vacation every couple of months doesn't constitute a life to me. What do I want my day to day life to be about? I believe a person should do what they love the majority of the time and work towards it. For me, I want to learn about people different from what I have grown up around and see places I haven't seen before. Do things like, skydiving, climbing a 14,000 foot mountain, live free to go from place to place as I want. I want to learn as much as possible about everything, how to survive on an old school bus in moderate comfort, building things, fixing things, how different people think and why. And sitting in a Laz-Y-Boy watching TV is not my idea of a goal. TV is like alcohol, not necessarily evil, but potential for becoming the mindless 'go to' choice of many. I never want to say I don't have time to do something because directly or indirectly I would rather watch TV. Don't get me wrong, I love watching a good movie and I am a former TV junkie. I watched because I was bored mostly. And I knew it was bad for me, like eating a box of krispy kreme donuts is bad for me but I became a great justifier and rationalizer to excuse myself. I had to do something drastic to change. I knew I wanted to live life but I always had a good excuse not to or I tried to satiate it with a vacation here and there or a boat for the lake. I am not even to the cool sounding part of my adventure yet and I am having such a better time than before.
You know the only way my situation could be improved would be to have that someone special to share it with. I have spoken to many couples and they talk of times early in the marriage when things were tough but great. Then over time they improved their social status but they grew apart. I would say that although by all appearances they improved their lot in life they actually hurt it. The priority is genuine closeness with another. Some of my best relationship memories were with girlfriends working together on a problem...laying hardwoods, conspiring together to take a quick 4 day budget trip to Alaska, or even just washing our cars together. The intimate connection that comes when two people share in solving a problem together, setting a goal and achieving it with equal input, is what I believe to be a significant part of happiness. I am not currently dating nor am I particularly interested in trying to. First, if I had met a girl at the beginning of the bus odyssey I probably would have run her off with my display of inpatience at trivial issues. A person must understand me deeply before thrown into such a chaotic scene. I am lucky Nala hasn't checked out yet. But I am sure that I will find a kindred spirit when I get to the point where the majority of my decisions are where to go instead of how do I keep this blasted drill bit from breaking. Inevitably, the little stuff will crop up in a relationship and the person that hasn't been weeded out by the process will at least tolerate my shortcomings, perhaps even lift me up when I stumble. Another thing, I will not be interviewing/dating princesses or divas...they are too lazy and I just don't want a person that hasn't cut loose their 'entitlement' issues.
Although I shared relationship ideas, and they do have a future importance to me, I am very content being by myself right now. More so than ever in the past where I don't think I went a month or two without a girlfriend. Its like I have broken an addiction and the cravings have vanished. I still notice girls out and about but casual dating would be too complicated now. And I am about to leave town. I don't even indulge the idea of relationship.
I guess the reason it comes to mind now is that I met a young couple that are engaged. I met them behind the GNC where I am parked and where they work. Great people, they each brought Nala out a dog treat and they both checked out the bus. The guy was really into what I have done with the bus and told me how he had traveled for a month in an RV. He talked about his Uncle in Wyoming and suggested I go visit him and stay there for a little while. They are engaged and since I talked to them about an hour ago, the idea of relationship is still on my mind. I look forward to seeing them more this week.
I think I found the leak in my clutch line. I filled it up this morning drove here to the library, looked under the bus to see if there were any leaks. I noticed a slow drip coming from the slave cylinder (where I connected the spring a month ago). My best guess based on what I saw is that the spring is putting pressure downwards on the rod going into the slave cylinder. Which is causing the rod to not drive straight into the cylinder. The best analogy would be putting a pencil into a pencil sharpener at a slight angle instead of straight in. One preliminary solution could be to find a less tightly wound spring. But I may have permanently bent the rod, not that I see any evidence of that. For the next few days my solution will be to add fluid to the master cylinder every morning and monitor the level during the day.